The Dark Poet

Discretions

2009-08-05T07:20:00.000-07:00

She leads with discretions
The music plays

She kisses him
In the moons quiet lies
As she beckons me to be scarlet

My eyes turn black
Only for a moment
I become numb
And I become you

I’m saving you from this coffin
You use my lungs to breathe
You use my heart to beat
I can feel you living
As I am dying

The piano begins to set an angry tone
I begin to remove my clothes
I forget who I was
Under your sticks and stones

Your bricks and your walls
I am the vice
You are the architect

Can I mend what she built?
Or am I a seine you invented?

Tell me your secrets.
I spread my lips like honey
I am here for the taking
Don’t go home

Destiny is yelling
I’m holding my ears
And I am standing my ground
You stand next to me
But you aren’t with me

My eyes turn black
Only for a moment
I become numb
And I become you

The wind begins to rise
The piano screams

I kiss the words of your scars
As they hold me
Iam

My eyes turn black
Only for a moment
I become numb

What I am listening to-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGzyKf5oqGY

Truce

2009-07-28T16:21:00.001-07:00

Is there truth in the eyes of a man?
I taste the stale air
As I have this conversation with God

I find romantic gestures

I place my bets
I’m finding me along side of some one I used to be

The darkness lifts her head
I shift a bit
I take her coat
she clears her throat

The aces wear thin
Poker was my favorite game
I was so good

I had all these promises

No one held my fate.

Black eyes
Seductive trace of tears and lace.

I turned my back to no one!
I held all the knives
All along
holding steal metal
In the core
of my own chambered heart
Something I did well enough on my own

Fine tune
Tattoo
Midnight breath

I left her behind
I cheated her death

Life Lessons # 1 Billion and 2

2009-07-28T16:20:00.001-07:00

It's 9:40 a.m. Saturday morning I am listening to The Brand New . My New favorite band of the month. I came to some conclusion today , that maybe some part of me has come into adulthood... Without knowing it. I thought maybe as a single parent I was one since I was 19. But you learn the whole way and we never stop learning. This morning at 3 am I woke up from a bad dream and it hit me. All at once. You see last year I ended a very abusive relationship with someone. I mean very abusive. This man just tore my soul out. And for me I thought I was so strong. I was being so strong for his two kids and I wasn't it was not my job. I left that relationship with no self esteem, and angry. More at myself than him. I was with him right after a messy divorce. So you could imagine the dark place I was in. And any one from my writing sites will tell you , my writing was dark. I was angry and I became angry with God. How could he let all of this happen to me? I walled my self up so tight no one could ever hurt me again. No one could reach me again , not even God. I didnt even realize I was doing this at the time but I fed on it. Like some sort of power. And I held on to it. I didnt care who I hurt, Who I used, Who I destroyed. This was all coming from this girl who once gave it all , who had this open heart. Now destroyed. I surrounded myself with friends who would support my new feelings. My guy friends you know they are players, numb and party. I wanted to be that person. To be numb and not care. Who cares who I date. Who cares about anything. I started going to bars, be up all night .. Fun , fun, looking for acceptance from this new world . ???? You know what ... ?? Months go by ... I lost 40 pounds... Got new clothes.. Had the hottest guys, drove around in the hottest cars.. And guess what . I was miserable still. This was last summer. ok....
Fast forward a year later...... My friend Darcey says.... "Give up on romance . you need to be happy first!" My other great friend SMG says "find someone with your intellegence and your spirituallity." ok what does being happy even mean..??????????????????????????????
And I began to draw back to my point to this morning. God began to owrk on my heart. I began not hanging out with those friends. And only the ones who knew how to encourage me to stay true to myself. I was trying on every one elses hat , running away from myself and God. Because I was angry and hurting. And I was in all the places I didnt belong. Hurting everyone around me including myself. I dont need anyone or anything to make me happy. Only God can fill those places. Then SMG was right. The right guy will have the same frame of mind I have. If he dosent then he just dosent. But when your happy with your self. You will be ok. Thats why what Darcey says is so important. Be true to oyur self. No what you need and want. So others cant persued you, You have to be strong and happy . And sure. Have your feet on the ground.
I remember sitting at those bars I was miserable. I remember putting smiles on for the crowd. But I knew inside I didnt belong there. I see one of my good friends going through the same thing. Just got out of a 5 year relationship. I love him to death. His friends bring him in all these same directions. I see him miserable. I wish I could show him. But its everyones journey. My advice is, Follow your heart. Pain last a season. Dont make people pay for other poeples sins including your self. Dont be self destructive. There is a God who saves and cares. And do not surround your self with people who do not have your best interets at heart. If there on a train wreck you dont need that ride. Happiness is there for you.I promise. I mean I have a broken car, Not the best job, I have alot of crap still, but at least I know what Im looking for, I have peace and a God who loves me. What more can I ask for. I hope this helps.

Heaven

2009-07-28T16:19:00.001-07:00

I move into character
can you see her
Behind the hat and mirror

The shower fogs her eyes
red nightmares seep down an empty drain
rest her head she says
As the music plays

Maybe the piano knew her well
As she sang her very last song

This book was her funeral
The answers were in every word

Look for her she said
Come find me
As she hid behind each black letter
She is taken away by wooden coffins

Her grave is seduced by rain
and no one is listening!

Umbrellas chase the morning sun
The piano keys stained with her soul
I hear them playing in the cold

Did they see the lines
The ones she never wrote!

Were getting closer….
The symphony plays harder
They pretend they never knew
Her heart is broken in two

Escaping her Death…. Alive.

What I was listening to-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7REAmoo0Ztk

Morning Coffee-Amy Everett2-19-09

2009-02-19T15:59:00.001-08:00

Fasting on matters of the heart
Starving for your call
The phone rings

Once
In
A
While.

I stand here talking to the grapefruit
Wondering if everything will be alright
And I wonder if I will find your kiss tonight
He thinks I love him
I love you instead
If he read this
He might understand
But he won't
Because he already knows
So I lie here all dressed up
And not a word was said
You drank your coffee today
In Silence.

So where have you gone.
What is it you dream of
You call when she goes out
You listen
For what?
Unrequitted love
Is always what this story is about.

So unmarked faces sit at the bar
And you send a smile just for me
I wonder is it empty
As we meet the next morning for tea.

A Personal Update

2009-01-09T08:53:00.000-08:00

I started my new job and it is fantastic! I get to help any one who is losing their homes or can't afford there payment. I love knowing that I am doing people good. I am very sick, strep, pneumonia who knows. I took a vicidine today to survive my sickness and mental stability ... That was sort of a joke but not really. Me and my boyfriend broke up, Due to allot of things mainly not keeping his word . That is really the most important thing to me. How do you have faith in someone who let's you down. You can't. I love him dearly and he has my heart. I am in no way interested in taking in back and ever handing it over to any one else. My heart is safe with him and I am OK with that. He is the first person who really got in the way he did. And in turn he changed my life for ever. I don't know where the future is leading me to and at this point I don't care. I just have to get my damn book out which has been sitting on Ingram books shelves waiting to go and I need to focus on making money at my new job , getting a new place and my new Mercedes. Well most important getting stable for me and Austin. And I will only allow stability for me and Austin in my life. I have turned over my life to so many people who turned my world upside down and I can't let that happen again. All I know is fate is fate. And if I am meant to be with someone it will be right , or they will make it right. I am sad with out my boyfriend but I know that if it's fate we will be together and if it's not well, I am know it will all work out some way or another.

Happy New Years!

2008-12-31T17:35:00.000-08:00

Well a toast to the New Year ! I want to thank all my friends for helping me get through this year. It was by far the worst year of my life. But it is now a new year and I turned thirty so a great time to start over. No ass holes this coming year , no letting my self down, well... I will try not to.. I want to thank Michael also for really stepping in and caring and loving me like no one ever has before. Cheers to my new job I start on the 5Th of January. Need a loan, want to save your house ? Or sell it.. well now you can call me. I now work for Diamond Consulting Group in Temecula but we work in all states. They have 50 yr 2% loans, they work to save peoples homes. I am excited! Any ways... I love you all.. Cheers!

Breathe

2008-12-14T09:31:00.000-08:00

I sit here all alone
You say laughter
But do you remember I see you?
You branded my soul with permanent ink
I lie here thinking of you
Didn't want to say good bye
Didn't want you to think I lied
But I won't,,
I want to be only the angel in your sky's
I want to be the one you trust as I guide you through this life
You say I am the one
Darlin, that's a lie
The past fills you with to much doubt to see
Me….
You say my eyes are blinded but sweetheart yours are blinded to me
I can't live under your blankets
I can't be your enemy
I can't sleep with them in your mind
It kills me
It angers me
So much on the line
For you not to believe in me
And you scream
That it isn't so
But darling you are my best friend
And I know…
Maybe you aren't ready for me
Maybe your demons choke
So you can barely breath
I see you on the ground barely breathing
You were meant for more than this
You hide behind your words
Your pen a clever disguise
Masking what's really going on inside
I can't save you
Just wanted to love you
Can't hide from me
Remember I see through the disguise
Phantom of the Opera tonight
So my love
Stand
Believe you are worth more than the grain of salt
They made you believe in
I sit here alone yes...
Loving you yes…
But I wasn't the one who choked you..You died by your very own hands…
Amy Everett-12-14-08

Pride and Armor... only way to escape..

2008-10-17T11:58:00.000-07:00

Tattered
a little
from yesterday

stitched together by memory
and broken promises
living in between the lines of your words and lies
betrayal
thought you were going to protect me
It was the promise you screamed at me

So where does it all go
another day of gloom
sold you my armor
sold you a perfect heart
you said it was your treasure
but it's the heart you never went to find
the one you pushed down to the ground

I smell the rain
I love Christmas days
can't wait for the rain
Dreaming of new days
nightmares of the hope that let me down...

Can't get over the tragedy
it burns a fire inside of me
kills me that you forget
all of me
that sat with you and cried
while you cried
tragic
Never thought you were evil
just thought you were broken
maybe just a little
thought maybe you would fix it for you

For me
Your creature of saving grace
the creature who held you dear
beauty lies here with me..

You set it free
for the wolves
That is what kills me
I harness my worth give it a smile
Because I am worth you being found
to me

So I go on
alone

I write the obituary
to the man I knew
to the man I never knew
smile through tears
so no one can see
not even you...
Find your home here
left in these lines .. bruised

I can't ever love again

stitched into your picture frame
etched into my soul
You have an alliance tragedy under your belt
demons guard your side
but there is nothing I can do
I told you so....
I am broken I admit
you tore me up and spit me out

lying here on the ground
in my armor
waiting to be found....

Written By--Amy Everett
10-17-08

October 12 2008

2008-10-12T14:20:00.000-07:00

Good afternoon ....

Well have you ever loved someone so much , and then in an instant you realize that they are a monster who fooled you the whole time? Or that you gave it all, gave everything just for them to throw away every moment in one second.

Well... What can you do? You left your heart for them and they leave it on the floor of a some selfish world like it never was there in the first place.

So we trudge on, the sorrow comes from the fact that you believe in those who held your heart, held your secrets , held you so close, to never let go, to give your life, in return for stone ?

Now it's time to move fast and be first place not last.... To save and cherish the honor and integrety you held and kept , while they proved to you they really had none.

And that my friends is the victory. That you were the sacrifice , you did not lose the fight, they just lost you. I am proud of who I am, I am proud of who I become , in spite of him, and the solitude of deception, pain and lies... But in their eyes they just cannot see.. But what is great that even though you did not see me , I did. I am not a victim to your destruction, Only a victim to myself .
So cross your heart and hope to die I know you will regret it one dark night. When you clean your lenses and you will see... That is was not me...

It was you... You had no clue....
And I will be gone.. In my world full of dreams , bein loved for me...

Card Games

2008-10-01T21:53:00.000-07:00

Pick a card any card he says..
and I hold on to my aces..
and he says hold on to your heart and i say ,
how do you do it boys?
and I tip my hat and learn to play the game..
and he knows..
Dancing and swimming all alone..
behind those castle walls nothing a good game of cards can't heal..
to hide behind fast cars..
I run in my heels..
bubble gum lip gloss and safety pins
you know it girls
to hide behind blankets and shallow kisses ..
to throw it all back
to remember their hands aren't his..
but they have the safety nets,
maybe my pillow isn't his
but the tears that come are different now... so girl...
Pick a card..
They'll remember your number..
don't run back to the storm..
ask the boys how they do it..
how they hold the seven of hearts..
they assure me it will be alright ..
Ames it will be alright..
8-2-2008
written-Amy Everett

This one is about my best friends Rueben, Chris and Walt and Uly we get together and drink and play Poker you know boys stuff smoke expensive cigars .. these boys I love em but they are ladies men if you know what I mean... and I am always with one person.. I believe in soul mates and love and I am always telling them this and they laugh... And every time I break up with a boyfriend Im sleeping on their couches sad and they are carousing with many woman telling me songle is the way , sleeping around is the way . holding your heart is the way... After being screwed over so much I was thinking maybe they are right... but I am not that girl.. but I hide behind there life.. there expensive cars, fancy bars , and poker games... but really I lay on the couch alone missing him... so that is what this poem is about... Card Games... I do love my boys and I love them for dragging me out of the house we do have alot of fun together...

You tube here I come

2008-10-01T12:53:00.000-07:00

Coming soon to a youtube near you... I am starting a project for poets .. I will not stop until I am famous... I will become an Amy Enterprise. I have a book being published , should be out by next month available in any book store. And I will start my Youtube project more on that a little later and I hopefully will start the literary magazine in January . This is my Amy.com news flash for today! Have a great week!!!!!!! And thank you for stopping by.

Cocktails

2008-09-30T09:01:00.000-07:00

Freedom comes from the one who left..
and I beckon the audience who stands before me,
and I am standing here in the deepest ocean ,
can you see me ?
I will never drown,
I am the power you tried to sustain,
and I...
turn my back on you as you call my name ,
and I ask my audience can they keep up with me?
who will be my next intention?
for I am a virgin to love,
a whore to life ,
come share my leather secrets,
can you get past my disguise ?
I dare you to try !
Shattered glass might scar you left from broken hearts
but I can mend you ,
If you can stand with me in my ocean
if you can catch me
if you can keep me
blood and bone
and don't forget sweat
swallow me
do you see me ?
As I stand here bare...
scared...
empty...
power..
My audience...
written -Amy Everett
9-29-08

This poem is about mending and trying to find my power.. I like her strength this poem brings..

My thoughts on Decay

2008-09-27T08:29:00.000-07:00

Decay , I love her because it is really a conversation between myself about this guy who never gave me his heart and he leaves me like no big deal after putting me through all this turmoil and making huge promises.. and he just walks away.. I love this poem because it was one of the most important conversations Iv'e ever had with me.. It was hard leaving this man because I have been with alot of men but he was the first person I really gave my heart to, the first man I gave my trust to, I gave him everything. And as a rape victim to give a man that power that was hard for me. But I was proud of myself that I had done it finally... But this guy was to selfish to go fix his own problems , so he just left.. Isn't that sad.. I know I deserve better than that.. But it was hard ... because ideally he was my first of everything.. because I let him in.. and he was my biggest dissapointment.. can you imagine that? So this poem she is a great friend to me too..

My thoughts on the devil himself..

2008-09-25T20:25:00.001-07:00

Yes my post dance with Satan she is a friend to me this poem... she is helping me through a tough time, getting over this devil.. have you ever shared to many drinks with the devil?

I guess all I can do now is write about it so I don't lose my sanity....

My Dance with Satan

2008-09-25T20:24:00.001-07:00

dance with me darling ,
what a handsome smile,
never knew you were Satan ,
never knew he had angel wings and a fast car and silk sheets,
alligator teeth, satin words, simple promises melt like chocolate liqueur and
the way we lied naked ,
I would come to you in the middle of the night only wearing panties and you gave me the keys to your house and your car and your children's heart...
but you my friend were the thief in the night all along...
trembling ,
I stood in your shower ,
in your arms,
thought I was safe,
even have your name tattooed on my arm,
and you say forever ,
and you leave me ,
No reason !
And I loved the dance ,
I danced with Satan,
I drive now alone,
I still feel you,
I still taste you...
wondering what went wrong,
a year wasted ...
used , bruised ...
I am ashamed , that I still watch for you driving down the street ,
that I even miss such a murder scene ...
And I wonder,
as I look in the mirror,
why?
and I stand here alone in my black lace panties ...
left for someone else to love...
but all I wanted was you...
Fuck You...
written Amy Everett 9-24-08
Ct

About Me

2008-09-25T20:11:00.000-07:00

Carpe Diem.... Life Is A Stage .. What is your part.. Live without regret..Live loudly..Wish Big...Always accept an invitation.. Always follow your dreams.. Always love like you've never been hurt before.. Always hold onto your Aces..Dance like you drank a little too much..Never let any one tell you who you are.. Always be who you are.. Never let any one yell at you and tell you it's all your fault ... We are here to be loved not misused , abused , or taken for granted.. Never forget to Pray because God never forgets you... I love Italian Food and I love to live dangerously.. I love scary movies and I want to go back packing ... My dream is to see castles in England and to find my prince who can give his heart whole heartedly... I love to write poetry , The ocean is my sanity , I love to smile.. I love my friends they're always there to catch me when I fall .. or when I've been pushed around.. I love my son Austin he is my hero.. My light at the end of every tunnel.. God is my passion he leads me through every dark night.. and every scary battle.. And here I am now.. Loving you ... Loving life for all that it has to give me.. Good and bad.. tears and smiles.. Nights of loneliness and some full of love... Lets all do this ride together.... Here we go. No Regrets...

www.thisisbyus.com

2008-09-24T21:30:00.000-07:00

I love to write! Please check me out on this great writing site...

I'm Just A Sailor...

2008-09-24T21:26:00.000-07:00

I am a sailor,
sitting on the bow,
I am an artist, I am free, meant to chase dreams... chasing castles... setting fire to fairy tales and glass slippers... I make the rules and the red baron is my friend and angels tip their hats and we smoke our cigars...
and I am.. the strength that sets your weakness free... and they use me until their brokenness is no longer a disease.... don't they know I can see? and I scream, and this ship sets sail.. in this uncertain sea,
and they prey upon my strength , and I take a bow ... should it be a compliment when I realize when they are done with me, I'm left here to be all alone...
and I dance on the deck of my war ship with the devil and he asks me for a cigarette .. and I tell him no more games.. and God contemplates and it begins to rain...
and I am...
a sailor...
sitting on the bow...
an artist... setting fire to fairy tales .... and I ask the red baron how he gets the chance to fly away from all of this... to be free... because I was meant for chasing dreams...
written by -Amy Everett 8-23-08

Decay

2008-09-24T21:25:00.000-07:00

Does the toxicity of goodbye out weigh the adventures of what tomorrow might bring,
Does knowing my worth out weigh the loss of a soul mate,
or does that transcend the fact that it was merely a demon in angel wings....How do we know ? Shouldn't we know, marked by rings of scars ... Traveling through miles of lifetimes shouldn't we see the pain coming?
A black halo from the white... The dimming .... from the light?
Where is the warning.. When we lie face down on the snow when they deliver the black rose... And we do not accept the defeat... no...But why should we accept loneliness for the hundredth time... to be thrown away ... who wants to be friends with time... She crushes me like bitter glass and buries me in a vast ocean ...
In a grave marked where they all lay... The cowards who could not be brave enough to stand by my side.. No.. they were too afraid... and I lie here...with my crown... my sword.. My armor...
But without you.... But this time I wanted you... For the first time I gave it all...
Through metal and scars...
I gave it all for you...
trusted you...
died for you....
to walk away....
And I lie here....
And I know... I will walk again.. but I wanted to walk with you.... 08-05-08
Written by-Amy Everett

Favorite Poem By Uncle Walt

2008-09-24T21:20:00.000-07:00

O Christ! This is mastering me! In at the conquer’d doors they crowd. I am possess’d. I embody all presences outlaw’d or suffering; See myself in prison shaped like another man, And feel the dull unintermitted pain. For me the keepers of convicts shoulder their carbines and keep watch; It is I let out in the morning, and barr’d at night. Not a mutineer walks handcuff’d to jail, but I am handcuff’d to him and walk by his side; (I am less the jolly one there, and more the silent one, with sweat on my twitching lips.) Not a youngster is taken for larceny, but I go up too, and am tried and sentenced. Not a cholera patient lies at the last gasp, but I also lie at the last gasp; My face is ash-color’d—my sinews gnarl—away from me people retreat. Askers embody themselves in me, and I am embodied in them; I project my hat, sit shame-faced, and beg. Enough! enough! enough! Somehow I have been stunn’d. Stand back! Give me a little time beyond my cuff’d head, slumbers, dreams, gaping; I discover myself on the verge of a usual mistake. That I could forget the mockers and insults! That I could forget the trickling tears, and the blows of the bludgeons and hammers! That I could look with a separate look on my own crucifixion and bloody crowning. I remember now; I resume the overstaid fraction; The grave of rock multiplies what has been confided to it, or to any graves; Corpses rise, gashes heal, fastenings roll from me. I troop forth replenish’d with supreme power, one of an average unending procession; Inland and sea-coast we go, and we pass all boundary lines; Our swift ordinances on their way over the whole earth; The blossoms we wear in our hats the growth of thousands of years. -Walt Whitman

Disfigured

2008-09-24T21:13:00.000-07:00

Displaced
shattered
disfigured.....
aching on the ground
I fall into the stream of disregard
forgotten by all
I thought held me
in contempt of heart...
brittle skeletons
left to move
fast through vast
dreams and memories
left to be stranded, to be strong
and I wonder
can I do it
and be proud
of who I am
of who I was
before you
branded me
bruised me
before you stole my generations
before you knelt in front of me eye to eye
and stole my crown like a wolf in sheep's clothing
and I stand bare,
as you walk this earth…
a martyr with everything,
plus my strength,
my heart and all it had to give
you walk
and the smile
you ripped from my face!
do you wear it proud?
skeletons in your closet now
how close do they lay
to the surface of your skin
as you sleep at night?
This pool of abandonment
drowns my last breath of life
and I try to walk
bent
but I am not dead-written by-amy everett
written for CT