Friday, June 30, 2017

Look The Other Way

It's my fault . I proceed when there are caution signs . I always hope for the best but I just should listen to what my gut tells me . But when my gut tells me this is it , that didn't work out either . Why can't anyone give same love I give ? If I'm wrong I fix it ! Isn't that what best friends and lovers do ?
Why do people just give up on life . My good friend told me once men are immature and selfish . He himself a man I appreciated the honesty . I appreciate honesty and a hard life that comes by trying to do the right thing and not giving up on yourself or the ones you love . I don't respect a coward . Some people have pain so big they push it away , and in turn they push everything away until there so numb they just don't really feel anymore . I did that before . It took years to feel again I don't ever want to go back to that cold place . Where god can't even reach you .

Be brave ! Admit when your wrong and fight for yourself . I think I just want to be single forever no more men , to lie to me or walk on me . At least no tears being alone right . What happened to people cherishing each other ? Putting each other ahead of them selves ?

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

The Big Question.

It's Tuesday around 4:30 p.m. I have no job and I'm in need of a miracle a big one . I'm here to write about love . What is it ? It's something you give ahead of yourself . The problem is if you hate yourself , you can't give love . It's not in you to give . Your full of insecurities you need to hide . Love requires your whole heart . You have to be in a place to give it to give or even receive love in the right manner .

I can't seem to find this love . People say they love me but they are so selfish or messed up they can't give love back . How do I find the right love ? Will anyone ever truly love me before I die ?

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

When everything is a lie

It's been a while so let's catch up . Let me tell you about the horrible emotional roller coaster I went through a month or so ago . My last 4 month relationship didn't work out , big surprise I kind of knew it from the beginning as you could tell from my last post . The day we broke up texting and fighting back and forth in a furry , I wished in my head my true love would just come back and save me . I swear this is a true story . As we text back and forth I received an email from my love that I been waiting for , for over a year . I was so confused I didn't know how to feel . He was back . But had no reason ? This put my heart in a weird place . I went through so much when he was gone . Why was he here ? After talking back and forth a few weeks I asked him . He said it was because he could always just talk to me . As a friend . Hmmm ... I decided then and there to never talk to him again . Left me in a mess of confusion . But for the first time I was free . What an emotional ride right ?

Strange part is right when this ended I met someone knew . I was afraid to be with anyone . How can love be a lie ? My new guy does whatever it takes to make sure I feel loved by him no matter what .

I feel for the first time maybe this is how love is supposed to be . Are there issues ? Yes . Is he the one
I don't know yet . But here I am for the second time loving someone . Here's to a new chapter .