It's Wednesday , nothing exciting here . Saturday I went out with friends and I was determined to have the wild and crazy night I needed !! Instead it ended up not so wild . I'm about to have a crisis I'm sure . Nothing is changing and I'm trying hard to change it. I'm 36 and I'm about to break some rules . I felt it Saturday driving to San diego , would this night end in tears in which I'm running from in the first place ? Financial stress , men stress , job and everything else ?
I knew my high would come crashing down to this harsh reality . Is this depression or a rut ? Now I'm just venting ......
I have shit bad luck . To think is to create and I'm thinking of how to : find my love , pay my bills and feel pretty again . 3 wishes ?
I used to find excitement in my day . Now it's pounding headache of stress and the silent wish of suicide lumes quietly over my head . I used to be a fighter you know . How did I get so small . How do I get big again ?