Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Love letters

Hello my loves it's been a while ! Time for some catching up ! So work picked up I finally got my sleeve and crushed some goals . My love I have not heard from since July . It's hard for me still to move on I feel like I can feel him and hear him . Sounds crazy I know but for you look up twin flames I believe he is mine . 

100% with out doubt . My friend told me I can't wait forever and I realise I can't . How do I love someone else ? 

Just me putting this out there in the universe is causing a wall between me and something new , I know this . 

I been dating someone new for few weeks . He does not posses what my twin flame possess so far . Who could ? 
Can anyone ? 

Maybe if my twin never comes back someone could love me in his place but not take his place ? 

This journey is hard . I don't have any answers . All I have is a secret blog with a few readers and no answers . 

Tell me what would you do 

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Not enough

I believe in twin flames . And I believe that he was the one . I believed it all the way down to my last fiber . Even if I couldn't be with him I believed it . But I'm losing faith . It's been to long and he never said how he felt . All I have is faith . Can love be enough ? 
I have to walk away . 

Thursday, July 30, 2015

When she's mad

This private diary just might be closed after this final post . I finally got " him " back in my life . Bravo right !!!!! And poof he let me go . I'm pretty mad . I've got to say . I'm mad because was he confused. ? Did he not give a shit ? Most of all I'm mad because I had him all figured out and I'm confused . So maybe he's confused ? I've never been confused when it came to him . So I'm pretty mad . So no more post for him - no more Instagram post for him - nothing - if he wants me I'm here . I'm not chasing him any more - done deal . First time I've been angry at him -

Saturday, June 6, 2015


may has come and gone. I've come through alot this past year . Dating, new job. I just went a pretty cool trip to Oregon with a friend. I'm still single. I have met no love interest but some nice people and some quite interesting.  Im supposed to be meeting a girlfriend at a bar as I sit here and write. Im so tired from working 15 hours today I don't want to go. I'm sure you want to know what ever happened to "him". The "one" I have spoken to him. Yes finally. In small pieces of letters and emails. But nothing more. That right now is good for me.  I am on a 90 day break from life and focusing on goals right now.  A re hash of all the why's and why nots. Lets see where were at in 90 days.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015


I wrote the love letter of my life . I wrote it all down . No regrets . Sent it . Told every word from every grain of my heart . I had to . Something's there is no letting go there are no secrets . Some times there are no stamps on time . With every heart that beats your heart beats with it . Nothing darling will change it . 

Sunday, April 26, 2015

We'll see

I met a nice guy . I hope I don't screw it up . I see something special In him . He loves God . Can I mess up gods plan if it's gods plan ?

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Because she can't

I can't do it . I tried and I can't let you go . Forgive me as I cry in silence . But I loved you . Like I loved no other . The piano plays talking about how you are so far away . I miss my friend .

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Soul mate

I remember the crowd that day , it was freezing outside in Dallas . My first visit to the big state . I was scared to go alone to such a huge event . My employer sent me and it wasn't to shabby . 5 star hotel . I remember like it was yesterday . I , one of the only girls sat amoungst so many men . Music played loudly and fancy cars parked all around . Some of the trainers began to speak as I looked up I saw you . I didn't just see you , I saw you transparently . This has never been an experience I had before so I was not sure what was going on inside my head and heart ?

I had never even met you before , but I saw your child hood , I saw your fears , your anger , your everything . Has anyone else felt this before with someone ? No one believes me when I tell them this story but I swear it's true . I knew he was to be mine , I felt it .

- love at first sight -

I got to know you , everything I thought I knew I did . It was real . We were magnets drawn from two different worlds , put together in an instant . We found each other .

I can say I " thought " I loved before this moment . But after this moment passed I knew I had not ever loved with my heart and soul .

- soul mates -

We are not together and this has been a tragedy .
But ... Will I find this again ? Can I having this in my heart .

I saw you 6 months ago . Like it was yesterday .
I will love you for the very rest of my life

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Stop watch

Good morning blog , we have so many ups and downs on this little secret walk we go on from time to time . I have news to report I deleted him from my Instagram . I know big deal right ? But it is because that's how we communicated . Well one of the ways . Letting go . I've met a few new people ,  nothing come of it yet . It's funny everyone is different but I look for someone to love me like he did , I suppose I'll be single forever . Who knows . I'm growing I think slowly

Monday, February 16, 2015

Post V Day

The day is warm and I just bought a red bull . I'm sitting in my car trying to find some sanity on my lunch break ...

It's busy today at work , so busy and I can't figure anything out in my head . I met a Christian guy I knew from high school . Everything was great until valentines . It was terrible . Now he won't talk to me ? Does everyone leave ? Is it me ????

Friday, February 13, 2015


Hello everyone . Are you ready for Valentines ? Do you have someone special to give a candy heart quote too ? This month is 1 year ago today I met him . He emailed a few days ago but it said nothing . In my heart I decided to move on . But the weird part is my heart decided to move on . I know he will never come back ....

Then something strange happened . A good friend came back into my life from my past . I grew up with him and I was pretty close to his family . At first I was excited just to catch up , but we hit it off and really like each other . He also loves God .

I'm pretty excited to see where it goes , then again I can't get to excited yet .
But he's pretty great ...

Work is not great , I know I don't belong their so I pray I find a home .
Thank you God for answering some prayers .
I also can't wait for my tax return and go with the kids to a small vacation . As a single mom we have never afforded one . It's sad . We never even went to Disney . A vacation is much needed . Hopefully this month is great .

It's a hello and a good bye . Cheers to the 14th floor and starting over

Monday, February 2, 2015


The email came , it had words but they were blank .
She has to let go

Saturday, January 31, 2015


Well my last post was a vent . I feel better after that . I read it and my frustration made me laugh . I was having bad week . But everything is fine . I think that I've had it rough the past year . That was my breaking point I needed to have . Thank you to my small audience for listening to my secret ," dear diary " blog . Unedited and unfiltered . God has been answering my prayers and I'm stress free almost ;)

I don't have anything to exciting to report . But all is well as I lay in bed writing all of you .
What more could I ask for .


Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Mid life questions

It's Wednesday , nothing exciting here . Saturday I went out with friends and I was determined to have the wild and crazy night I needed !! Instead it ended up not so wild . I'm about to have a crisis I'm sure . Nothing is changing and I'm trying hard to change it. I'm 36 and I'm about to break some rules . I felt it Saturday driving to San diego , would this night end in tears in which I'm running from in the first place ? Financial stress , men stress , job and everything else ?

I knew my high would come crashing down to this harsh reality . Is this depression or a rut ? Now I'm just venting ......
I have shit bad luck . To think is to create and I'm thinking of how to : find my love , pay my bills and feel pretty again . 3 wishes ?

I used to find excitement in my day . Now it's pounding headache of stress and the silent wish of suicide lumes quietly over my head . I used to be a fighter you know . How did I get so small . How do I get big again ?

Sunday, January 11, 2015


January has set in , so has my new job . I'm trying to start to write again . This alone is good for me . I am staying positive . God and my kids keep a smile on my face through my long 14 hour work days . There has to be more to life than this

If your reading this trying to figure out my 1/11 that has nothing to do with this post although cudos on your cleverness .

1/11 is the number for twin flames and soul mates which that blog is on here as well just read back some you will find it ;)

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Single Mom

This is the life of a single mom . Gym , work , take care of my 3 year old seems to be my daily regamine . Wait .. There's also paying bills .. All this is exciting I know , you just can't stand it ... 

I pray every day for something to happen. I don't have time to do it on my own . 

What I will say is being alone used to be great .Now it's asking myself : why am I alone ? What on earth is wrong with me?

I'm investing my time in training . Hopefully something happens soon ;)