It's Monday night , I swear I'll do whatever it takes to find my joy again . Whatever it is . I feel invisible in this world when I used to feel invincible . I feel muted where I once felt beautiful . I walk empty . Maybe I'm in a transitioning faze . Maybe it's because I've been in such a shitty job for so long I forgot who I was . Losing people does not help and letting myself be used by others isn't exactly good either . What is the definition of beauty ? The world searches for magazine models , I'm not any type of model , is this why I've been rejected ? My goals are in full force and I'm moving forward , I should be proud of myself . But here I am grey faced and sullen . Where did my joy go ? I let it slip beyond the cracks of shitty humanity , who banters at my expense everyday . Where is my will ? My power ? Where am I ? I swear I lost myself 3 months ago .
But I now have to fight to find her . To begin a new life again